The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
