please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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