I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
