after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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