I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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