and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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