He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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