shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
