We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just high enough for therapy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
