Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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