Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
