We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
