My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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