If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
