she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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