You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
