It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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