i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
