I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
