census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize