false alarm. still invincible.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
