You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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