I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
