I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
