sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Randomize
