Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm like, not good at living.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize