we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
