Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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