U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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