Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
