At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All the doctor said was why
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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