You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
