Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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