mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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