I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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