what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
