How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
