Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
