i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
