Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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