small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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