she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
