I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
