Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
