So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
