you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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