M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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