So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
