I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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