take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize