My liver just broke up with me...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can I color on your dick again?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
