I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
