I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
