She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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