I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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