that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
