oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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