the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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