sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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