he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
