she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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