i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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