i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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