at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
