what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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