I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
