dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
