I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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