if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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