That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
