I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
