Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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