Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
