Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
