So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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