I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
