you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
