ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
