I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you had me at cake vodka
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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