why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
