He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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