My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize