How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
