mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
