Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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