wat bout pragnant strippers??
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
