it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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